This is a great video. Two experts in the field of relationships and human behavior, Drs. Sue Johnson and Ed Tronick, describe and demonstrate the five basic moves that occur in the dance of attachment and bonding. They show how these moves are present both in the relationship between parent and infant as well as between intimate partners. When I do marriage counseling or couple counseling with clients here in Denver, we identify where these moves occur in their conflicts and try to understand the underlying attachment needs they represent.
The dance begins when one person senses a lack of connection with the other. The first move is to (1) “Reach” for a response. If the person does not get the needed response from the other, he or she may (2) Protest/Push or (3) Turn Away. The other partner may also Protest/Push or Turn Away in response. If the disconnection continues, eventually one or both partners lose the ability to regulate emotion, and a sense of panic, or (4) Melt Down occurs. Finally, in a healthy relationship, the partners make an effort to (5) Reconnect and repair the relationship.
When you watch this video, think about your own relationships, either now or in the past, and see if you can find all five of these steps.